probablytheory

and the obsession in between


excuse me, i need to squee
nadhira91

as the title said... squeeeeeeeee
aaaaaaaahhhhh

i need music station clip asap.... kyaaaaaaah

it's the highlight of my day srsly.

i haven't had a proper lunch and dinner and emergency shift is hectic as always but checking out some mste preview makes me ニヤニヤ😍😍😍❤❤❤


talking about stupid decision
nadhira91

so i'm staying ovenight on a colleague's house.
then i decide to watch doctor who season 9 finale.
never have i been so wrong.

i can't wail around even when i want to.
i'm weeping so bad.
my noses are clogged.
i feel hollowed.
yea who needs heart anyway.

the episode is so sad. and beautiful.
and i'm quoting the episode by putting those two adjectives together.

moffat!!!!

dang it.

moffat is a genius.
capaldi is brilliant brilliant brilliant.
i want him to be the doctor forever.

i really want to randomly pop into the tardis and give everyone a huge bear hug. seriously.

moffat!!!


Kampanye
nadhira91
Jadi ya, semacam saking eneknya sama entah black atau negative campaign...
Kakau tetiba lo bilang calon yg lo dukung ada kelebihannya juga bakal gue nyinyirin.

Bahkan kalo yg ngomong emak bapak sekalipun.

Some sudden sickness
nadhira91
Suprapubic pain, dysuria, nocturia, frequency,

Cystitist hurt.

I want river back!
nadhira91
I know the doctor said there's time to live and there's time to sleep.
And that she actually said goodbye.

But seriously.
When River said something about how she mentally linked to Clara, and if Clara is really dead how could she still be there....
And then she said 'spoilers...'

While it might just mean Clara is still alive....
I really really want a plot twist here.. like maybe clara and river met before or sorts.
I mean, why else moffat shows Clara to be in the library with ten?
Seriously. I want River back.

And about John Hurt...
Maybe he's him before he's the doctor... from those times he and the master was still trained in gallifrey....


Ssdghklhfsa 6 month!

Groaaarrr.

Run!
nadhira91
dance. weep. laugh. restart. of what was, will be, would've been, would never be. grab a time lord and see the universe.

johnnys jimusho
nadhira91
johnnys is killing us
with the brightness they distribute
with the rainbow-ness they burst
and with the hollow in our heart when we know our wallet can't afford it

pembantu minta diganti
nadhira91
pembantu gue minta diganti



pembantu gue adalah orang yang ngeyel.

dan dia baru saja mengakui dia ngeyel.

lo pernah nonton diary of a wimpy kid? gue ga tau ini film ke berapa, tapi inget ga ada saat di mana rodrick bilang ke greg "all you have to do is deny, deny, deny..." kalo nyokap mereka interogasi...

gue cukup yakin itu yang ada di otak pembantu gue waktu mereka membuang obat yang harganya 350ribu per 10 hari.



either that, atau mereka "pokoknya pura-pura bego aja..."



ngeyel.



Sekitar berapa bulan lalu pun waktu pembantu gue dengan jelas-jelas membuang hemapo (gampangnya semacam hormon yang dibuat di ginjal, kayanya sih sintetis, suntik, untuk membantu pembentukan darah) yang tidak tahan suhu ruangan, yang harusnya disuntikkan ke kakek gue (yang ada masalah ginjal) yang setelah dibeli langsung ditaro di dalem termos di dalem kulkas.



dari rumah gue ke tempat kakek gue, perjalanannya kira-kira 2 jam-2,5 jam. paling cepet 1 jam pakai tol, kalau jalannya kosong.

jadi pastinya karena bokap gue (yang biasa nyuntik) sibuk, si termos berisi hemapo ini akan berada di kulkas rumah gue selama paling ngga 1 hari.



dengan ajaibnya hemapo yang baru dibeli kira-kira 2 hari sebelumnya hilang begitu saja dari kulkas.



perlu diingatkan gue punya 2 orang pembantu.



dan seperti pengantar di atas.

dua-duanya (pada awalnya) menyangkal (bahkan) pernah melihat termos tersebut di kulkas "ya saya ga tau..."

yang kalau kita longok lagi ke lemari, ternyata si termos itu uda bersih manis ada di lemari, dan kosong.

so obviously someone had took it from the fridge, threw away the content, then playing dumb about it.



beberapa menit berlanjut dan pernyataannya berubah. "iya pernah lihat tadi pagi masih lihat kayanya tapi abis itu ya ga tau..."

i know i watch too many Lie to Me episodes. and maybe too many paul ekman's video too. and idolize Cal Lightman too much.



tapi mengubah pernyataan itu kayanya cukup mengarah ke tanda-tanda desepsi. lalalalala.



bokap gue marah tentu.

dan kayanya pembokat gue takut dipecat or something. tapi serius deh, denying when you know you are at fault itu sudah cukup menjijikkan. ini lagi malah sok "ya gatau saya...".... mbak... pura-pura bego cuma akan membuat lo makin bego. tapi perlu diingat lagi.... kalo mereka ngga bego mereka ga jadi pembantu.



tapi serius deh. pembantu gue yang sebelumnya jauh lebih pinter dan jauh lebih sopan dari yang sekarang.

dan tentu gue membiarkan pembantu gue yang sekarang tau akan hal itu.



"lo nyadar kan dibanding waktu si N kerja di sini gue lebih sering marah2 sama lo?" omel gue pada pembantu gue, W dan F. si W ini tau gimana gue sebelumnya. karena N berenti kerja untuk nikah waktu si W uda kerja mungkin hampir setaun di sini.

"iya lah dia kerja jauh lebih bagus dari pada lo..."



yep i actually said that. or something alike.



dan pengeyelan hari ini adalah:



gue: mbaaaak lo terakhir nyemprot kapaaan? *karena kaki gue abis bentol-bentol digigitin nyamuk*

mbak W: saya nyemprot tiap hari kok! *kata-kata khas untuk "gue ga mau disalahin plisplis"

gue: hari ini lo uda nyemprot belum?! *ini udah jam tujuh ya tengs gue tau sih nyamuknya bukan nyamuk dbd yang jam segini tapi gatel tetaplah gatel*

mbak W: hari ini saya belum nyemprot... mbak F belum nyemprot *berkata seakan nyemprot itu sebenarnya kerjaan mbak F, bukan dia, jadi ya jangan nyalahin dia*

gue: lo kenapa ngeyel banget sih

mbak W: apa sih?! ngeyel apanya?!

hening sejenak. dia lanjut lagi.

mbak W: kalo kamunya ngga cerewet ya saya ngga ngeyel

dan gue bertanya-tanya... anjrit ngeliat lo aja gue kesel kapan juga gue pernah ngomong sama lo kalo emang ga perlu

dan tergoda untuk berkata: ya kalo kerja lo bagus sih gue ga bakal cerewet





dan dia berani dong duduk di sofa saat nyokap gue sedang duduk di sofa, si sampah berinisial W ini.

gue harap dia satu-satunya pembokat di dunia yang begini.



it's kinda nice her daughter fear me so much.



iya somewhat gue segitu bencinya sama orang ini sampe gue menikmati ketakutan mereka. sampe gue peduli banget kalo mereka ada di ruangan yang sama dengan gue. *pengennya mereka mendelep aja ke tanah, gimana?* iya gue segitu bencinya sama orang ini sampai gue ga peduli kalau dengan ngedumel gini gue membuktikan kalo gue masih sangat bocah sangat tidak dewasa atau apapun itu. hilanglah semua prinsip tentang "you can only hate people for what they do not who they are..."



ya kalo begitu i hate these people for living?



dan kalo lo mau tau, gue sangaaaat sayang sama mba N (si pembantu sebelum W dan F ini) sampe gue ngasih microSD ke dia..... iya gue pilih kasih kaya gitu *insert bitch, i'm fabulous gif here*



mba N.... kenapa kau mesti berhenti kerja karena menikah??????

a daily fangirl whine
nadhira91
I was lucky enough to get chosen to be an extra for Strawberry Night's movie filming...

akdfjahjdfhasdjf i can only imagine how fancy it is to be a JE fan in Japan~

and back on to questioning what to do in life...

this life i'm currently living, this lifestyle, this kind of laid back "tilikan derajat 5" self of mine...
i know for sure won't get me survive the real world

one year
i got only one more year to hide under the status of being a student

after that "poffft~"

i'm on my own
i have to be on my own

i'm cursed when i'm not. i'm doomed when i'm not.

to be the ever tolerable AND tolerating grown up.
to be a pleasant person. or at least act like one.
to work hard. for my own sake. to actually fall straight to the bottom of society (yes it's society. about your class in society. not about being sociable) ladders when i don't (and economic ladders as well).

to be pretentious. to actually question "what was idealism, again? what is it this whole idealistic mind set the people in the college try to plant into our brain these whole past years?".
then to let the answer swallowed by the real world.

these facilities i'm having right now prolly alright to have as med student.
but it's certainly overbudget for a general practicioner.

then the money from the work will go to educational savings, or simply vanish due to this overbudget for a GP lifestyle of mine....

when will i be able to go to Japan, then?
why can't i make living by being a fangirl T_T

why does this major i take is one so hard to get scholarship abroad? other than for research... nooooo i'm more interested in fellowship than in research.

and yet i haven't think about what major to pursue~
how could i when i'm still in this love/hate relationship with this science (or myself)... *sigh*


come to Indonesia dear Ohkura Tadayoshi~ (yes, i'm calling ohkura, not gotoh)


i need to learn how to drive
how to cook
finish this stuff for the undergrad graduation
write bits for the group scrapbook
buy some share for the so called educational investment

but before.... i'm going to Thai (yay!) for which i haven't actually search itinerary of. yes, shoot me. will go on wed, though. let's move this lazybum of mine.

bad day
nadhira91
i need to get this out of my system. i don't know which would happen if i don't. me breaking or exploding.

woke up at 3 but decided to sleep back at 4. then woke up at 5 and missed the train by around 40 seconds.

good thing? the class start at 7.30 so i don't need to spend extra money just to get to RSP.

i remembered that i skipped dinner. starving, didn't find the lunchbox that 'i remember telling my maid to put in my bag'

well... the discussion went well anyway... and i got my name remembered by the head of department... say yay to that..

i get to eat a lot today just feeling sorry for the money, really. ugh financial probs sucks.

mini cex went alright. got an ok score. got a great tutorial about pneumonia.

having case presentation. in which the doctor arrived 2hours late. hit myself on the desk and wound my lip in the waiting process. and basically don't get a thing about what being presented. lalalalala.

home late. fail to attend appointment with a a couple 1st years. zonk at follow up. and hit my self on the student room cupboard. lallallallala.

almost miss a train home at tanah abang. and galauing seeing monas on the way. great.


it's a bad not so bad day. or a not that bad kind of bad day. whichever. there are a lot of great things. my body just kinda too weak to handle all those. i want a wand and an apparate-disapparate license on an instant putitti please.

okey now i have asthma paper to work on.

oh and i'll be having exam on monday which means i won't be able to attend that edu fair on sunday. haish.



see you kapan kapan ya mas yo.


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